As you may have seen last week, Plummy Mummy took a last minute holiday on her own when things fell through at home. She asked her boyfriend, Ollie Gorky, to keep an eye on the kids as nanny’s been in and out of the The Priory recently (good grief, ideas above her station!) Just the right time for Ollie to fill up his new Boxter with gas, and burn some rubber on the way to Alton Towers. No one else could POSSIBLY be THIS fast! Or could they?
Have you been driving long distance with children recently? We thought our holiday was cancelled, then at the last minute, it was on! Down to Cornwall. Then Cornwall to Wales. Next, Wales to the Lake District. Finally, the Lake District to Scotland. Being map-lovers, we were one of the last families to get a Sat Nav. Whoever the early adopters were for this technology, they would probably consider us to be the late laggards, but we could no longer ignore the shiny new machine promising an argument-free journey. Now, suddenly everything is about the disembodied voice of the ‘other woman’. Something I didn’t bank on when we got married.
“Shhh, I want to hear what the lady’s saying…” shouts my husband over the sound of quarrelling, heavy rain and the Buena Vista Social Club on endless repeat.
I shout back: “Don’t listen to her, just stay on this road and I’ll tell you where to turn off”
Son yells: “I’ll turn the volume down so she’s just SHOWING you where to go”
Husband: “Turn the volume back UP, I want to hear her voice!”
Me: “What’s wrong with MINE??”
Her (Sat Nag): “Approaching roundabout.Take the third exit. Approaching roundabout. Take …”
We take the third exit.
Me: “I wouldn’t have gone that way.”
What would you have done? Are there three people in your marriage in the car?
Pangs of recognition during this brilliant post…
I also hate the sat nav and have had many a heated discussion in the car with Mr A on the very same subject! I have suggested that we download a voice that sounds more like Barack Obama – calm & collected in a crisis when you’re lost somewhere in Birmingham & desperately trying to find Ikea without a full-scale row before you arrive!
Ha ha! I know you didn’t mean it like that but love the idea of Barack Obama steering you across Birmingham without getting lost!
I would chose Leonard Cohen myself or that gorgeous sounding continuity guy on the BBC with a deep Caribbean baritone. x
Boy this is so funny, had me and OH in stitches! He pointing at me vehemently at the last line, saying ‘That’s you!” and me saying “See, i’m not the only one!”. Love it. Love it. Wish i’d viewed your site earlier. Sx
Thanks Siobhan! Glad I’m not alone in the sat nag debate. Off to catch a plane to a comedy workshop in Greece so hope to get some good tips so I can come back a bit more funny but not more bitter 😉 xJ