Are you looking forward to BritMums Live16 or do you have just a LEETLE sense of apprehension around leaving the kids in the loving care of others?
There are three Euro 2016 matches due to take place the same Saturday BritMums will be in full swing.
1. What’ll your OH be doing with the kids all that time?
a. Watching the footie
b. Mowing the lawn
c. Taking the children out for a day of fresh air and exercise
OK this is definitely sexist because your OH might be a footie-hating bloke or woman if you are a Dad Blogger or gay blogger (or both), but I haven’t time to do any more cartoons this week what with the EU Referendum coming up.
2. If your kids are lucky enough to be taken to a festival over that weekend, will the person taking them be :
a. Father / mother
c. Friend / neighbour
3. Will they :
a. Fill the kids up with food that results in tummy ache and diarrhoea for days
b. Lose them temporarily to a travelling circus troupe or Hip-Hop Pan Pipe band
c. Get drunk and attempt to get up on stage with their 5 string guitar from Uni
4. Are you worried for their safety and will this stop you enjoying yourself at BML16?
c. A bit of both
We’ve just taken delivery of a brand new tumble dryer. Our last one took 5kg of clothes / sheets / pet, and this one takes 8kg or twins. I’m hoping the new one won’t melt a plasticated tablecloth (that some idiot put in the machine) onto child’s school uniform like it did last week. I actually spent ONE WHOLE HOUR shaving hardened white lumps off a pair of corduroys shorts with my twin blade lady razor.
The racing fixtures for the same dates as BritMums Live16 will be at Newcastle, Chester, Windsor and Doncaster and Newmarket racecourses. Royal Ascot will be over, so you could wear your fancy pants hat to The Brewery – a prize of a day’s free childcare chez moi to anyone who dresses like this.
5. If you come from any of the above places, would your allocated childcarer rather :
a. Watch the horse racing live
b. Watch it on TV
c. Spend the day at the bookies
Not long to go now and I haven’t sorted out my conference outfits – this was my transformation two years ago after hiring a stylist. Still didn’t win a prize – can you Adam and Eve it !
Please look out for me there :
More or less blonde haired
Wear big red rimmed glasses
Carry sketchbook and pen
… a glass of vino
… and a smartphone
in my 3 hands