Last year was my first Blogging conference and it was a bit overwhelming. It was easier this year, as I’ve met so many bloggers in real life since then, but something still felt a little strange.
Could it have been anything to do with the fact there was a considerable imbalance of the sexes? I enjoy women’s company very much, but when there’s a better gender mix in large public spaces, it seems a bit more harmonious sound-wise.
Perhaps next year, Organisers, you could pipe some low male voices through the tanoy, and spray some pheromones through the air conditioning vents. It might stop everyone menstruating at once and getting all stressed out with PMT. On second thoughts, it doesn’t work at home so fuck it – if they don’t want to come, it’s their loss.
This year, I overcame like almost all the other amazing bloggers I know and don’t know. All those who miraculously find non-existent time to create their blogs. So this post is dedicated to :
The Blogfest Survivors
What time did you get home? DID you get home? Whose home did you get home to? Yes, Blogfest 2014 was THAT GOOD.
Apart from laughing alot; getting some great blogging advice and wondering why I’m the only one who looks better in an avatar than real life, I’ve learnt 20 things :
1. It doesn’t matter what you wear – you’ll get decorated with someone’s lunch
2. You’ll drink C*** even if you normally boycott it
3. Whatever Paul Armstrong says, write it down. Don’t imagine you’ll understand or remember anything otherwise
4. Better not to keep demonstrating how to download information from electronic badges when you don’t have one
5. 1 in 3 women wear incontinence pads *Gussie Grips. I thought women walk like John Wayne because they like it
6. Don’t try and go to 3 sessions at the same time (or you’ll need the above)
7. There was a session called *How to find your fanny*. I had a good look in the Ladies before realising my error.
8. If you’re not already funny, don’t bother
9. If you are already funny, you were on a Blogfest panel or will be next year. Or you’ve offended someone
10. Don’t blab about your family if you want them to feed you and wipe your bum one day. (I don’t mean in the hols)
11. Eeh Bah Mum does about 40 drafts before hitting ‘Publish’ – only FORTY Kirsty you slacker?
12. If you came to Blogfest just to get away from your family, well, that’s a good enough reason
13. No matter how hard you try, everyone else will appear 15 years younger and less stupid when drunk than you do
14. Don’t try to eat prawn noodles and talk SEOs at the same time. But if you do, make sure it’s with the Fairy Blogmother.
15. If you call home, at least PRETEND you’re missing them
16. It’s really not necessary to tell the organisers that you’re only there for the goody bag and gin. They know this
17. Try not to nick extra gin from behind the bar – you’ll just feel bad about it and get the bar staff into trouble
18. Don’t hog the hand-dryers in the loos when there’s a queue – especially if your wet hair isn’t very long
19. Don’t glare at the crying baby – it might grow up to do what your family won’t (see no. 8.)
20. Lastly – when writing personal tweets to your friends, it goes up on the big screen. Oh yes it does.
There you go, I can be tactful too – recognise any of these panelists?
For more cartoons, see what the kids got up to while you were away?
ha ha love this JO! Was so fab to see you and please let me know when the stand up is happening!! x
Thanks Katie – loved yours too *about to pop over to comment* – i was sort of hoping you’d be too pissed to remember what i told you about stand-up. Anyway I’m standing up now does that count? x
Brilliant! You hit the nail on the head, as always.
Great cartoon at the end, yes, it really did look like that!
(And I really enjoyed that extra slug of gin…)
Yes I’m just getting the gin thing. Suspect I may have had the odd tipple in my twenties but have been FAR too moderate until recently. Do read Katie’s (HurrahForGin’s) post for a bellylaugh about what happens when you have too many slugs. Thanks for commenting and being a good companion, and sorry not to have shared another train journey home. Next year I hope.
I am EXTREMELY excited to be immortalised in cartoon form. Was also extremely excited to finally meet you, you great big, lovely gin soaked goddess, you.
Fantastic post – spot on.
Oy less of the great, big etc. thank you 😉 Twas lovely to meet you too Lisa – you’re even better in real life if that’s possible xx
Ah, so funny! I particularly like 15, 16 and 20! Hope to come next year, sounds like a laugh – and informative of course 😉
you are bloody hilarious
I bet the noodles were better than the bloody beef